There Is Victory

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18)

After spending a tumultuous year abroad on the mission field, I clung to this promise from Paul’s letter to the church in Rome. “Our present sufferings” for me was the feeling of being misunderstood, feeling purposeless, and ultimately spiraling down into hopelessness. Sound familiar? It seems to be a fairly widespread condition among humans this side of heaven. Whether we are in a valley or a mountaintop season of life, there will always be a sense that we’re not quite home.

As I served alongside the beautiful people of Nairobi, Kenya, with the nonprofit Chosen Children of Promise, I battled a depression that was no fault of my situation, but rather an attack from the enemy who comes only to steal, kill, and destroy anything or anyone that desires to build the Kingdom of God.

Only by calling on the name of Jesus to be my peace, my hope, my joy was I able to get out of bed most mornings. If you travel overseas to a developing country, you will be firsthand witness to something incredible. There is a rich dependence on God to be their everything. He is the provider; they may not have food for the day, yet He brings them their daily bread. He is the healer; they live and eat and drink in less humane conditions than you would think possible to survive; yet when they pray to Jehovah Rapha for healing, they praise Him and thank Him first when He heals them! He is the Best Friend; community and relationships are everything to Kenyans; and when you meet a Christ follower, you’ll know it because they’ll proclaim His presence in their heart loud and proud.

Witnessing this bold faith challenged my nominal walk. Go back a verse in Romans 8 to verse 17: “Now if we are children, then we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.” Would I be willing to share the sufferings of Christ (for surely He suffered in His time on earth), of betrayal, loneliness, rejection, being misunderstood, feeling homesick? Was it worth the dark night of my soul if He promised the glory revealed in me would be so much better it couldn’t even come close to comparing?

Near the end of my yearlong internship, I stumbled upon Hebrews 12:10-11, “Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

My fellow warriors, we’re not home yet. We still suffer death, sickness, strained relationships, depression, anxiety, joblessness, fear. Take heart, for Christ has overcome the world, and there’s no situation He can’t redeem. The dark night breaks with the dawn of the Son! He is producing a harvest of righteousness and peace as we are trained by His sovereign discipline. Cling to Him. Walk with Him. Take hold of your name: Co-heir with Christ, God’s very Beloved Own!

stay lovely,
the tall girl

(Find this article also on the CCV SoCal blog.)

Kenya Believe It?

Is the day finally here?! Is it already time to go?!

I’ve been praying over and hoping for this since early December of last year. God’s timing is always perfect as we know…but often forget since we like to take matters into our own hands and think we know exactly when everything should happen.

If I’d had my way, I would have been on a plane first thing after Christmas back to Kenya to serve with Chosen Children of Promise in the Kawangware slum. As it would happen, God had me stay a few more months to pray, fast, and grow our relationship before moving to Africa all gun-ho without a clue. I still don’t have a clue, but it’s a better place to be of acknowledging that than naively assuming I know exactly what I’m walking into. I’m in a new place of surrender and dependence on God. He is my validation. He is my affirmation. And as He “…comforts us in all our troubles, so we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:4) Amen!!! I have tasted and seen and felt and received. What a joy to live loved by Jesus and to be an overflowing bucket of His love spilling out to others! 

I pray to walk into each day with that image and mindset. On the days when it’s a little harder to do that, I’ll follow the wise advice of a dear missionary friend: pray. When it’s sad, pray; when it’s hard, pray; when you’re tired, pray; when you’re homesick, pray.

Thank you for joining this journey with me! Thank you Jesus for the call and your reckless love.

Now I need to go catch a flight!! 😉

live loved,
kelli

 

26 Reflections on Silence

I “checked myself in” for a 3-day private Silent Retreat at a Benedictine Monastery this week. Nestled into the San Bernardino mountains in Southern California, St. Andrew’s Abbey is not necessarily a beautiful location. But the prayers and reverence for God that cover the small acreage bring a tangible peace for retreatants.

As I clipped that badge to my shirt “Shhh, I am on a Silent Retreat”, I focused my heart, mind, and soul on stillness. I wanted to experience Jesus in a new way.

Here are the reflections my time of silence brought:

1. Your other senses are enhanced. I smell my surroundings more potently; I taste and enjoy my food more wholly; I hear others’ words but even more seem to tap into what their hearts mean behind the words (probably because I’m not worried about what I have to say in response!); I see because I intentionally open my eyes to be more observant; and I feel deeper emotions as I tune in to what the Spirit is revealing to me.
2. It’s extremely challenging at first, but then you begin to enjoy and even revel in it!
3. It allows you time and energy to not only ask yourself the big life questions, but to also hash them out. (What is my purpose, what am I here for?)
4. Because doing this one thing is out of your comfort zone, it pushes you to do more things out of your comfort zone (like lay prostrate on the floor for an hour in prayer like King David modeled).
5. It opens your mind to realize how much you complain and gossip.
6. It makes you want to ask people a million questions and just stop talking and listen, despite what “good advice” or knowledge you think you can impart.
7. It stirs up old bitterness and resentment you thought you were healed of.
8. It causes you to pray. Nonstop.
9. You become fully aware of the percentage of your thoughts in any given category. (I.e. Here was 8 minutes wasted in jealousy or given to lust. Half my day was spent in planning (quite in vain) for the future and the other half day-dreaming or contemplating my past, etc.)
10. When you adore Jesus, you are humbled to feel HOW MUCH HE ADORES YOU!
11. Everyone should try silence for a specific, extended period of time.
12. It unsettles others and can make you uneasy to not respond – but in the end it’s a good challenge for both you and them to accept the difference in people.
13. It takes a while to still the heart and totally check in to the silence…of the tongue and the soul.
14. Perspective becomes clearer.
15. Your heart changes. Rather than praying for my way and specific requests, I was asking God to move in hearts, lives, and give His guidance; I was fully surrendering to His will be done and being okay with that.
16. You come to a sense of peace in who you are – who He designed and destined you to be. Because suddenly the things of this world grow strangely dim.
17. You feel the sense of time more presently. It doesn’t speed by as in a busy day with many appointments, nor does it crawl on endlessly as an unintentionally unfilled day can seem ‘boring’. Every minute is pregnant with purpose, and you feel it as it is.
18. People come to mind to pray for you would not have thought of otherwise.
19. Jesus breaks chains.
20. As the rhythm of life slows, you sleep better.
21. You don’t want it to end, but you’re also anxious to bring the insights you’ve discovered back to the real world. (I won’t deny I was chomping at the bit to be home a little 😉 ).
22. You drink more water…maybe I just remembered to more often? It happened though!
23. It’s a catalyst for change! I want to talk rather than text, I want to live life with people rather than Snapchat my life to them, I want to ask questions rather than gossip or complain.
24. It causes reflection on the past – and to ask hard questions.
25. It makes you miss mom and dad.
26. Once you introduce talking again, your pace immediately increases.

 

There were many breakthroughs during the 3 days, but I’d say the greatest praise I have was the Spirit’s assurance on my heart to start boldly proclaiming I AM MOVING TO NAIROBI, KENYA IN JUNE! I have been hesitant and timid to tell people for fear that it will fall through if perhaps I was wrong in discerning God’s call for me to go. This week He broke that chain of fear! I am not called to live half-hearted but to walk boldly in the call He’s given me!

I have held back so it wouldn’t hurt as bad if the rug were pulled out underneath me and I ended up not going. It would soften the blow of failure or disappointment. This fear is of the enemy, though, not of God Almighty!! It really did take the silence to name that fear, call it out, and fill the vacancy with the confidence of Christ.

Praise God!!

stay lovely,
the tall girl

 

Where the Lord guides, He will provide

I wonder at our connotation behind ‘calling’. I wonder at the calling on my life and the universal calling on all believers in Christ. To go to all the nations and proclaim the Good News were the parting words of the Son of God (Matt 28:18). When I felt called to be a missionary my junior year of high school, I fought with the still, small voice for over 6 years. I didn’t know how to start and go about it, I was searching for the confidence to attempt such a risk in my own strength, and I surely didn’t want to be endlessly asking family, friends, or strangers for my financial support (all this can be summarized to read “fear”).

So I lived a self-serving Christianity. I wasted precious time spreading my attention thin on other interests or talents in case they could be “the purpose” God had put me on earth. Oh, the ever elusive purpose, “the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future” (Jer. 29:11). Long conversations, that were more like long-winded monologues demanding that God reveal my life step-by-step so I could prepare, were had in prayer and oftentimes in tears after a frustrating bout of chasing what the world told me would fulfill. Sheepishly I always returned to God, asking for clarity once again since my seeking led to another dead end.

Isaiah 58:11 reads, “The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.” If we believe God is all-loving and all-knowing, would it not add up that if He leads you to something (a career, a school, a relationship, a new situation), He will also provide what you need in and through the season of it?

I do not feel qualified in the least in my knowledge or experience to spread the Gospel. What a precious responsibility I should not be trusted with in my frail humanity. Paul’s sold out faith convicts me in Acts though that all He needs is a willing heart. “And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there…However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me-the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace” (Acts 20:22-24), “I am ready not only to be bound, but also to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus” (Acts 21: 13), “Boldly and without hindrance he preached the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ” (Acts 28:31). Wherever He guides me, I choose to trust and believe He will also provide the strength I need.

with love from my current home in Harare, Zimbabwe,
the tall girl

African sunset on the Zambezi River…oh, how His works declare His glory!!

What Inspires

“Work for a cause, not for applause. Live life to express, not to impress.” -Pinterest

“Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.” -Pinterest

“Do more of what makes you sparkle.” -Pinterest

“Let’s do what we love and do a lot of it.” -Marc Jacobs

My life is straight outta Pinterest, and the trending adage of “pursue what inspires you, do more of what makes your soul happy, get rid of the stuff draining you” has had me wanting to put words to feelings of what truly inspires.

I finally sat down today to do just that; and how encouraging it was to pause and reflect on what inspires me…makes me wonder if I really did pursue these inspirations intentionally, how would my life change?

• deep conversations about faith, spirituality, Jesus, trials to triumphs
• puppies 😛
• miracles
• worship – intentionally focused on praising God in prayer, song, Bible-reading, fellowship
• adventures – trying new things and going new places
• willfully breaking through my comfort zone
• connecting with new people
• feeling needed and wanted
• seeing fitness goals reached in myself and others
• people’s stories that I see God’s hand in
• when I can tell I’m living out of intention and not habit
• dancing
• pretty photography that makes you pause, transports you somewhere else for that moment
• simplicity
• strong women with confidence of self in Christ
• men passionately, ridiculously in love with Jesus
• random acts of kindness
• classical music
• timely quote or phrase in book or blog I’m reading (inspired a lot whilst reading C.S. Lewis:P)

Now that I’ve put pen to paper, fingers to keyboard to articulate, I choose to pursue these inspirations. They are like any trait, gift, or dream God has given us…in fact, I know they lead us a little closer to Jesus’ heart and living out who He has created us to be.

I’m curious what similarities you find in yourself in these items, as well as others, since we’re all so different in what makes us tick. I can’t wait to read the comments below of what inspires you!

stay lovely,
the tall girl

3 Tips to Evade Christmas Robotism

Car horns blare, children wail and beg shamelessly in toy aisles, and lights are dutifully placed in their designated spots on the front lawn. When did the “peace and joy on earth” disappear from this time of festivities? I love Christmas as much as, if not more than, the next girl. That may be why it saddens me so much to see a magical time of the year become a duty for everyone to perform.